This is SCIENCE we're readin here!

Well, college has been kicking my ass pretty hard as of late. I do apologize for it, I forgot about this blog, but not anymore. I shall continue to update whenever I am capable of doing so, because I know that you, my readers, come for the expert writing I offer on various subjects.

... oh who the FUCK am I kidding? You're just here for the funny pictures.



Let's kick this off now, shall we? Today's topic is... Fanboys.

There are varying levels of Fanboy, as everybody knows. Let's list them off. They include:

Level 1: The simplest fan. They're willing to admit the flaws, the bumps, and even the plot holes if need be, but they still enjoy what they do for the simplest reason: it's entertaining.

Level 2: They follow the show a little more closely than most would, but this isn't a bad thing. They understand what is happening a lot more than the average person, can explain why a character performs they way it is scripted out, or call Bullshit on something happening out of character. This fanboy might have some merchandise on the side, such as Season DVDs or a T-shirt.

Level 3: A little more into the show, this level of fanboy has delved into the realm of fanfictions. Some fanfictions written by this level will seem a little off-kilter, may serve to simply ship some characters, or perhaps include a story which is better-written than the actual show itself. Regardless, they tend to regard the show quite a bit more serious than level 2, but they can still be reasoned with to a degree.

Level 4: These guys are pretty far into it, borderline obsessed. This is where the fan starts aquiring certain tastes, such as a "waifu", or perhaps collecting porn of the series. While this fan could act like every other schmuck in normal life, it is within the confines of their room and the internet that their true devotion to the interest shows itself. Whether this is healthy or not is up for debate.

Level 5: All bets are off, these guys are zealots, outside of the confines of reason or sanity. You get some pretty fucking sick people here, especially when rule 34 is involved.


I'm pretty sure you weren't in Warhammer 40k...

Despite this heirarchy, the interpretation is sadly blurred to those outside of the fandom. Why is this, you ask? Simply put: The outspoken Minority ruin it for the Majority. It is the case with nearly anything that becomes popular. Take for example, the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic fanbase... sure, one would think that they are hedonistic, man-children who could double for pedophiliacs, but the reality is that it is the sicko minority that ruins it for the majority of the show. Truth is, it was a show for little girls, and it targeted that demographic wonderfully. As with all popular things, however, you will get some sick, twisted fuckheads who subvert it for their selfish, twisted desires... like Furries.


What Pinkie fans REALLY want.

it is a sort of price one pays for seeing their works become popular upon the internet. Like King Midas, he seen everything he touched turn to gold, but was robbed of all of life's pleasures because it. It is the same thing with Avatar: The Last Airbender, where they have this wonderfully crafted story, with a journey of the ages, the growth of the characters, and an story unfolding into something akin to viewing an entirely new world through your flat-screen window. While what was delivered was the story of Aang to travel on an epic quest to save the world while discovering the power of the Avatar inside of him, what was really happening was bitching on who should be pairing up with who because my god, Katara and Aang together IS A SIN.


ZUKO DOESN'T DESERVE THAT WHOOOOOORE!

I guess a show, webcomic, or book series is what one makes of it, but it's also troubling to see how far one goes. The worst part?

None of it is the writer's doing. Nope, it is the dark emotional desires of one's mind that pushes them to these levels of zealotrous devotion (yeah, I totally made up that word). It's because something just CLICKS within their mind that they decide Tails from Sonic the Hedgehog should have been a girl and banging Sonic on the sidelines of the show. We only have ourselves to blame for the despicable levels of lust and desire shown within the fanbase.

Again, I apologize for the complete lack of updates since August guys. Really. If you got a problem with it though...

Like Cockroaches, they are.

So you got this place you love to hang out at, maybe a group of net friends within your delicate and intricate social network you like chatting it up with. Things are swell, perhaps you're talking about the latest movie, a new band, or tomorrow's WoW raid (I threw out something, I don't play WoW anymore). However, there's this chick that keeps coming by. Sure, she's funny, maybe even cute, but holy BALLS does she like throwing her face all over everyone. Videos and pictures galore, they are everywhere in an attempt to get people to pay attention to her, or she just likes showing off.

This, Ladies and Gentlemen, is a textbook definition of a Camera Whore.

Everyone likes being paid attention to, no one's going to deny that unless they have some serious anxiety problems, and I'm not going to make fun of those. However, there are those who desire, nay, crave this very need more than others. It drives them to be the center of everything, quite possibly the universe itself. Quite often, the behavior from this person is quite annoying, to the point where they are ridiculed for even pursuing this goal of putting themselves on a pedestal of love and glory. However, sometimes... you get the creepy people who abuse this notion for their own gains.



Sadly, the majority of these "Cam Whores" as they are called are female. Heaven only knows why, but they are. By statistics and biology, they are also the most sucessful. Statistics is simply because there are more females trying to be Camwhores then men. Biology... well, that's because of the lovely invention of "Boobs" that they carry around. Or if you're an ass person, that's cool too.

The point is, they make up the majority of the camwhore population, and it does get quite annoying. Because of this, they are often insulted, ridiculued, and humiliated. And why would people feel sorry for them? The Camwhore is a being that just comes out of fucking nowhere and wants love, making an effort to interrupt anything happening at the moment to make sure they get the spotlight. This is like going to Cookie Monster in front of a giant stadium, taking his cookies, and then dancing around, expecting the loving crowd to adore you... and let me tell you, that shit doesn't usually fly.



What could be possibly more annoying than cam whores... are what are called "White Knights".



The definition of a White Knight is simple: defend the camwhore, get sex. Yes, you heard me right, these guys only defend a camwhore from the flurry of insults and humiliation to get some dirty love, either digitally or in real life. Why? They basically try to take advantage of a poor girl's emotions after they had the equivalent of being curbstomped on the side of the school bus pickup. However, even if the girl deserved such a verbal beatdown, the White Knight is still essentially being the equivalent of a sick motherfucker. Want to know who takes advantage of emotions for sex? Rapists.

White Knights are basically Rapists.

So Fuck you Canwhores, for trying to be that blonde, cheerleader bitch in high school to get all the love and free toys. And fuck you too, White Knights, for encouraging Rapism on the internet.

I'm out. Until Next week.

No, not THOSE kinds of trolls.

Ok, haven't posted for a week or two, so let's get this train wreck started, shall we?

So you're on your favorite forum, online game, whatever involves the internet. You're having a jolly good time, things are going pretty decent. Suddenly, someone decides to be a complete ASS for no reason whatsoever. Out of fucking nowhere is this guy saying the dumbest of shit, slapping down everything you like. You ask them, in some form or another "Who are you? Why do you say these things? What have we ever done to you?" His response, as many have likely heard so far, is simply typed out, yet is inhumane with grammar and douchebaggery.

"umad?"



You all know these assholes: They have nothing better to do with their time other than to cause misery and grief to everyone else for their own amusement. They could be spamming obscenities, spamming insults, spamming on how something you like is a complete piece of shit, and everyone that likes what you like should kill themselves and make the world a better place. Worst of all, they never shut up. It's like they have a compelling need to just be a complete, pompous windbag with a superior attitude. And they keep going on and on like that horrible CD in the stereo that's on repeat, and the song is the worst song in the world.



It makes you wonder just what exactly goes through their heads with they do this crap. They don't get monetary gain, it's not like they earn achievements, nor is there anything for bragging rights... not that there's anything to brag about with it. Let's take a look at the simple internet problem to begin with: Anonymity. You don't truly know WHO is behind that screenname until they reveal themselves. Since anyone can hide themselves, it allows one to become the biggest dickmuncher in the face of the world, without consequences.

Yes. Completely. Without. Consequences. So what if you got banned from that forum, just make up a new handle! Admins ban your account? New one. IP ban? Either connect via proxy, or scramble your IP. Someone really put the boots to you? SO WHAT? A day of making up new messenger handles and e-mail accounts and you're back to being that fuckhead who no one likes. The ability to remain such a mystery, yet be so open with your language, allows one to explore the ability to be a complete goddamn sociopathic retard. I'm not trying to advocate the abolishment of anonymity here, but let's put up an example: If you had the ability to remain completely unknown, no matter what you did, wouldn't you rob a bank? Or kill someone? Or just go on a crime spree, doing whatever you please, whenever you wanted to? That's the internet for you.



The worst part is this: that jackass who was trolling the hell out of you yesterday could be that nice girl you asked out on a date last week. Yes, the nicest of people could turn into complete bastards the moment they are absolved of their digital shenanigans.

The preverbal "Get Out of Jail Free" Card gives them the ability to spew complete garbage out of their mouth, the filth of which likely hasn't been seen since the Nazis, or The African-American Civil Rights Movement. Worst of yet, this shit is actually ENCOURAGED, because they all want to be an asshole to everyone they don't like. They wish they could be an utter bastard and get away with it scott-free, all the while being completely awesome.

But we all can't be Carl. He's too cool.

I am sure alcohol is involved somehow.

Ok, I was going to do something about trolls this time, those dirty motherfuckers. However, something else far worse has grabbed my attention, so you guys'll get it next time.

What I experienced over the week so far has been nothing less than sheer depravity. Monstrous emotions of complete hedonism that has spawned what could only be trumped by the horrors of Slaanesh himself. Even some people within the likes of 4chan, the cesspool of the internet, have become revolted in the awakening of this nightmare. And yet, ths grotesque behavior comes from one of the most unlikely things, a creation so innocent in it's design you would have never pegged it for creating the legions of filth that surround it.

I am of course, talking about the new My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic TV show.



I mean, my GOD has these people become god-awful in their persistance with this show. Sure, I can understand the idea of liking a kids show. I mean, who doesn't? I've always enjoyed things like Looney Tunes, Beetlejuice, SWAT Kats, and Hell to the Yes Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers. It's normal to like kids shows from time to time, sometimes even preferable compared to the television that gets spewed out as of late. Turn on the television, and instead of pictures, you just get pure vomit spewed into your face.



But the new MLP? Jesus Herbert Walker Christ, the majority of those vocal about the show are quite possibly some of the most annoying scumbags to ever grace a keyboard. From drinking games, to comics, to goddamn, pants-on-backwards PORN of this stuff. Seriously, porn of a kid's show? Try to justify it all you want with your "Rule 34" bullshit, that's pedophilia right there. Straight up, filthy, creepy-as-fuck pedophilia. And the reason those assholes spew that shit on the net is because if any upstanding citizen of society caught them with that, they'd get shanked, and the police would rule it as justifiable homicide.



And if you dare tell them the show is not as holy and divine as they make it out to be? Grab your flame-retardant suit, because you're going to be having a Uber-Barbeque tonight! To even suggest that show has flaws would be to insult their pagan gods, the outlining foundation to their new lives, their lives of bright, rainbow sparkledom. I swear, even the Twilight Fans weren't as bad as this.

... oh dear god, what did I just say? That can never be true, no matter how bad these Pony Fans can get.

But they're still pretty freakin rage inducing, especially when they decide to invade every single aspect of your life with ponies. Like cockroaches.

They ruin lives.

Tryhards.

Everyone has met them in some fashion of game. From the legions of FPS players to something as simple as flash games, you will get those people who will stop at nothing to be the ultimate victor. At whatever cost, shame, or just flat out griefing they can cause other players, nothing is too great of a sacrifice in the name of winning. There is really three levels of this tryhard business, and each one of them... sadly intermingle to form this pool of filth, a mixture so revolting you cannot help but feel disgusted with even yourself for even being in the prescence of these inhuman beings.

The first form is surprisingly simple: they will use whatever tools and massive amounts of free time they have to absolutely crush the opposition. They will play for hours on end to master a particular skill, a skill so complex that nothing short of entering a zen-like state could achieve perfection. On a different setting, perhaps they spend ludicrious efforts to unlock the ultimate weapon to completely dominate the opposition, a weapon so great no mere mortal could obtain it in such an efficient manner. Either way, it would be very clear they have dedicated the entirety of their soul to these tasks, in efforts to become the ultimate warrior in their digital kingdom.



The second form would be exploting tricks in the system. Say, two skills by themselves are worthless, so no one pays them heed. However, if one combine the two skills in a certain way, suddenly they have achieved a level of godhood within the system, and proceed to abuse the living shit out of it, safe within the confines of their new power. Or perhaps that players has discovered a location that is virtually impossible to breach, and within every VIP or item protection task, their team head there, only needing to withstand a few minutes for guaranteed victory or loot. While this is certainly valid within the game design, it also attests that in order to achieve victory, these tryhards NEED to exploit these tricks, and without them such power over the realm is worthless. It also says they're a dick for exploiting these little tricks, but that's another day.



The final, and perhaps most grotesque form, is simply breaking the digital rules through some malicious coding to imbue their character with impossible powers, thereby simply walking over the opposition for easy wins. In most cases, these people do not last long due to vigilant moderators, or an anti-cheat system within the program. However, in scenarios where both of these are incompetent or nonexistant, these people run upon a rampage with impunity, discouraging the rest of the playerbase or would-be players to even play, leaving the realms in search of new homes. There is nothing that induces a soul-blackening rage moreso than having an impressive arsenal and skill that you have earned, only to be wrecked completely by someone who has used cheating scripts to give them a huge crutch to play on. Whether this is due to their own incompetence or a burning desire to be the complete victor, they have stopped to a level with such filth, that the stain on their soul will never wash away, even after their ultimate demise.



While these are the three forms, quote often they mix together to form a hideous monster, a monster that feeds off of misery and tears. It fills one with a complete disgust for the game, and the developers' inability to rectify the situation in all but the first form will undoubtedly lead to the deserting of the playerbase, and the death of the game in general, leaving only soulless beasts inside to battle for the remains of their kingdom. This is generally called a "Complete Loss" situation, where the players lose money for buying the game and/or items and then leaving, and the developers lose reputation within the industry for letting their game degrade so low to begin with.

As folks within the gaming sector would say: gg.

This has happened to everyone at least once.

I'm assuming the majority of gamers have played online at some point, most likely involving a grouping of other random players that the system has thrown by your side in your quest for personal victory and glory. Whether your opposition is against the mightiest of creatures or another team of humans to combat you, there seems to be a singular problem that plagues these types of games. Yes, that's right, there is a plague. It's not the gameplay itself, it's not the way the matchmaking works. No, this is far more sinister.

Nine times out of ten, your allies are goddamn, pants-on-backwards retards. Everyone who has ever played online games has experienced this in some form. For those who play against the AI, it could be your Tank not having a clue how to keep your more squishier allies from dying, it could be your healer picking his nose while your friends start getting slaughtered one by one, or it could be the damage dealer, provoking the wrong kind of attention while not realizing that his unrestrained actions could kill the entire group. If your group somehow wins despite these egregious handicaps, and your super-powerful-god-slaying item is available, you can bet your sorry ass one of the scrubs your healer had to scrape off of the floor will grab it before anyone else, then immediately quit the group, leave the location, and either sell it or fail miserably with it in the future, ensuring that you, the hard working player, is actively denied the ever so needy upgrade to your abilities, dooming you to likely repeat the same scenario again. And again. And again.

For those of you who prefer playing against human opponents, oh how I feel so sorry for you, for your woes are twice as horrendous. You don't only do you deal with Team Killers, the people who refuse to complete the objective, or just flat out stay at spawn all day because their mother called them away for their homework or supper. Oh no, to compound this issue, your opponents recieve the polar opposite: they are a well-trained killing machine so grand, the Spetsnaz would be jealous of their combat tactical prowess. Come to think of it, who is to say it isn't the Spetsnaz themselves screwing with you for laughs? Considering you never know who could be on the other side of an internet name, it very well could be true.



It is VERY rare that you get competent teams on your own side. Sure, you will have the occasional player that just picks up their entire team and carries them to victory, but alas, those players themselves are also rare. To have such an ability means one of two things: you're a fucking superhero, in which case why the hell are you reading this? Go save an orphanage or something, you lazy bastard! The other possibility would be that you play games all day long, not giving a damn about the world outside and rotting within the confines of your room. Normally, this would be where someone tells you to get off your ass and to get a job, but with today's economy, I guess there's no real room to say that, but good lord there is something called outside! Get some air, do some exercise, maybe pick up a hot chick or two with the resulting body... or hot guy, depending which way you swing. Maybe you'll get lucky and marry a rich person and live the high life, looking down upon us peasants like a God upon your own Mount Olympus.



The only real possible solution to this problem is to make enough friends to make a whole team up by yourselves, then go stomp on the competition. However, if the game you play involves 10+ people, good luck coordinating that many people at once. Should you somehow get that done, your talents are of admirable quality good sir, along with your charisma. Perhaps you should put your abilities to use in a more productive area, like management for a store. That way you can make money while at it, and afford even more games and gaming systems! Where I come from, we call that a Win-Win setting.

Next time you start wanting one of these...

So like everyone else who has seen Japanese Anime in their lifetime, the one thing most recognized in the industry would be the illustrious catgirl. Some worship her for her cute looks, others despise her for being on the same level of what one considers "Furry", but that's a story for another day Ladies and Gents. While I browse various web sites for entertainment and my research of human depravity, I couldn't help but notice that some of these catgirls happened to have four ears.

Immediately my mind began to rattle off questions: Four fucking ears!? Why do they even have four ears? Do all four of them work, or do two of them merely serve to be a fashion statement, cursed to never be removed off of their heads? If the cat ears do work, then that raises a lot of questions, for according to a normal cat biology, the ear canal goes pretty deep inwards, and for the ears to actually have some form of function, the girl would have to have a smaller brain to make room for these ear canals, or the hearing on them is so dismal, that they are effectively worthless in what they are supposed to do to begin with! In the case of the latter, God has played a sick, twisted game on these girls, merely for the sake of nerds to cross their legs while denying the idea of these catgirls having any semblence of sexual attraction to them.

Perhaps I'm looking at the ears all wrong, maybe they don't serve the idea of hearing things, like normal ears tend to do so with humans. Maybe the ears serve some other, unexplained purpose. Maybe they're meant for small storage, where she can store all of her loose change or lipstick, but then this goes back to the whole "ear canal into the skull" tidbit that would shrink their brain to the size of an orange. I would suggest that they serve a sonar-like purpose, but that would suggest the cat ears actually give super hearing like Daredevil instead of being there for show, in which case the human ears would do absolutely fuck-all nothing, which is the point of being half-bloody human to begin with.

After rattling my head on this for a few days, I've come to the conclusion that the purpose they serve is quite nefarious. Every time the rifling little fuzzballs finds a drink, like your trusty Jack Daniels bottle you just bought to let the night disappear, she just shoves it into her ears and watches it go. I'm bloody serious, She could have a small canal going from her head all the way to her stomach, and no one would know the fucking difference until she got plastered with bottles on her head posing for rabbit ears instead while clutching onto more of your secret stash, in which case I think it's time for you to to call the local hospital... or the local Veterinary Clinic, however you prefer to treat your catgirl.



We'll end this little rant here for now. I don't care if you like catgirls, if you hate them, or if you secretly want to go screw one until your pelvis feels like it could shatter in two, having four ears is just ridiculous looking on them. It means either someone has no idea what the point of a catgirl really is, or they're putting these damned nerd traps all over the place for maximum profit. In either case, it has earned the honor of being the very first post on the Fiefdom of Hate, and for that, I despise these crafty little wenches and their ear-confusing ways, you attention-whoring, bed stealing bitches.