This has happened to everyone at least once.

I'm assuming the majority of gamers have played online at some point, most likely involving a grouping of other random players that the system has thrown by your side in your quest for personal victory and glory. Whether your opposition is against the mightiest of creatures or another team of humans to combat you, there seems to be a singular problem that plagues these types of games. Yes, that's right, there is a plague. It's not the gameplay itself, it's not the way the matchmaking works. No, this is far more sinister.

Nine times out of ten, your allies are goddamn, pants-on-backwards retards. Everyone who has ever played online games has experienced this in some form. For those who play against the AI, it could be your Tank not having a clue how to keep your more squishier allies from dying, it could be your healer picking his nose while your friends start getting slaughtered one by one, or it could be the damage dealer, provoking the wrong kind of attention while not realizing that his unrestrained actions could kill the entire group. If your group somehow wins despite these egregious handicaps, and your super-powerful-god-slaying item is available, you can bet your sorry ass one of the scrubs your healer had to scrape off of the floor will grab it before anyone else, then immediately quit the group, leave the location, and either sell it or fail miserably with it in the future, ensuring that you, the hard working player, is actively denied the ever so needy upgrade to your abilities, dooming you to likely repeat the same scenario again. And again. And again.

For those of you who prefer playing against human opponents, oh how I feel so sorry for you, for your woes are twice as horrendous. You don't only do you deal with Team Killers, the people who refuse to complete the objective, or just flat out stay at spawn all day because their mother called them away for their homework or supper. Oh no, to compound this issue, your opponents recieve the polar opposite: they are a well-trained killing machine so grand, the Spetsnaz would be jealous of their combat tactical prowess. Come to think of it, who is to say it isn't the Spetsnaz themselves screwing with you for laughs? Considering you never know who could be on the other side of an internet name, it very well could be true.



It is VERY rare that you get competent teams on your own side. Sure, you will have the occasional player that just picks up their entire team and carries them to victory, but alas, those players themselves are also rare. To have such an ability means one of two things: you're a fucking superhero, in which case why the hell are you reading this? Go save an orphanage or something, you lazy bastard! The other possibility would be that you play games all day long, not giving a damn about the world outside and rotting within the confines of your room. Normally, this would be where someone tells you to get off your ass and to get a job, but with today's economy, I guess there's no real room to say that, but good lord there is something called outside! Get some air, do some exercise, maybe pick up a hot chick or two with the resulting body... or hot guy, depending which way you swing. Maybe you'll get lucky and marry a rich person and live the high life, looking down upon us peasants like a God upon your own Mount Olympus.



The only real possible solution to this problem is to make enough friends to make a whole team up by yourselves, then go stomp on the competition. However, if the game you play involves 10+ people, good luck coordinating that many people at once. Should you somehow get that done, your talents are of admirable quality good sir, along with your charisma. Perhaps you should put your abilities to use in a more productive area, like management for a store. That way you can make money while at it, and afford even more games and gaming systems! Where I come from, we call that a Win-Win setting.