This has happened to everyone at least once.

I'm assuming the majority of gamers have played online at some point, most likely involving a grouping of other random players that the system has thrown by your side in your quest for personal victory and glory. Whether your opposition is against the mightiest of creatures or another team of humans to combat you, there seems to be a singular problem that plagues these types of games. Yes, that's right, there is a plague. It's not the gameplay itself, it's not the way the matchmaking works. No, this is far more sinister.

Nine times out of ten, your allies are goddamn, pants-on-backwards retards. Everyone who has ever played online games has experienced this in some form. For those who play against the AI, it could be your Tank not having a clue how to keep your more squishier allies from dying, it could be your healer picking his nose while your friends start getting slaughtered one by one, or it could be the damage dealer, provoking the wrong kind of attention while not realizing that his unrestrained actions could kill the entire group. If your group somehow wins despite these egregious handicaps, and your super-powerful-god-slaying item is available, you can bet your sorry ass one of the scrubs your healer had to scrape off of the floor will grab it before anyone else, then immediately quit the group, leave the location, and either sell it or fail miserably with it in the future, ensuring that you, the hard working player, is actively denied the ever so needy upgrade to your abilities, dooming you to likely repeat the same scenario again. And again. And again.

For those of you who prefer playing against human opponents, oh how I feel so sorry for you, for your woes are twice as horrendous. You don't only do you deal with Team Killers, the people who refuse to complete the objective, or just flat out stay at spawn all day because their mother called them away for their homework or supper. Oh no, to compound this issue, your opponents recieve the polar opposite: they are a well-trained killing machine so grand, the Spetsnaz would be jealous of their combat tactical prowess. Come to think of it, who is to say it isn't the Spetsnaz themselves screwing with you for laughs? Considering you never know who could be on the other side of an internet name, it very well could be true.



It is VERY rare that you get competent teams on your own side. Sure, you will have the occasional player that just picks up their entire team and carries them to victory, but alas, those players themselves are also rare. To have such an ability means one of two things: you're a fucking superhero, in which case why the hell are you reading this? Go save an orphanage or something, you lazy bastard! The other possibility would be that you play games all day long, not giving a damn about the world outside and rotting within the confines of your room. Normally, this would be where someone tells you to get off your ass and to get a job, but with today's economy, I guess there's no real room to say that, but good lord there is something called outside! Get some air, do some exercise, maybe pick up a hot chick or two with the resulting body... or hot guy, depending which way you swing. Maybe you'll get lucky and marry a rich person and live the high life, looking down upon us peasants like a God upon your own Mount Olympus.



The only real possible solution to this problem is to make enough friends to make a whole team up by yourselves, then go stomp on the competition. However, if the game you play involves 10+ people, good luck coordinating that many people at once. Should you somehow get that done, your talents are of admirable quality good sir, along with your charisma. Perhaps you should put your abilities to use in a more productive area, like management for a store. That way you can make money while at it, and afford even more games and gaming systems! Where I come from, we call that a Win-Win setting.

Next time you start wanting one of these...

So like everyone else who has seen Japanese Anime in their lifetime, the one thing most recognized in the industry would be the illustrious catgirl. Some worship her for her cute looks, others despise her for being on the same level of what one considers "Furry", but that's a story for another day Ladies and Gents. While I browse various web sites for entertainment and my research of human depravity, I couldn't help but notice that some of these catgirls happened to have four ears.

Immediately my mind began to rattle off questions: Four fucking ears!? Why do they even have four ears? Do all four of them work, or do two of them merely serve to be a fashion statement, cursed to never be removed off of their heads? If the cat ears do work, then that raises a lot of questions, for according to a normal cat biology, the ear canal goes pretty deep inwards, and for the ears to actually have some form of function, the girl would have to have a smaller brain to make room for these ear canals, or the hearing on them is so dismal, that they are effectively worthless in what they are supposed to do to begin with! In the case of the latter, God has played a sick, twisted game on these girls, merely for the sake of nerds to cross their legs while denying the idea of these catgirls having any semblence of sexual attraction to them.

Perhaps I'm looking at the ears all wrong, maybe they don't serve the idea of hearing things, like normal ears tend to do so with humans. Maybe the ears serve some other, unexplained purpose. Maybe they're meant for small storage, where she can store all of her loose change or lipstick, but then this goes back to the whole "ear canal into the skull" tidbit that would shrink their brain to the size of an orange. I would suggest that they serve a sonar-like purpose, but that would suggest the cat ears actually give super hearing like Daredevil instead of being there for show, in which case the human ears would do absolutely fuck-all nothing, which is the point of being half-bloody human to begin with.

After rattling my head on this for a few days, I've come to the conclusion that the purpose they serve is quite nefarious. Every time the rifling little fuzzballs finds a drink, like your trusty Jack Daniels bottle you just bought to let the night disappear, she just shoves it into her ears and watches it go. I'm bloody serious, She could have a small canal going from her head all the way to her stomach, and no one would know the fucking difference until she got plastered with bottles on her head posing for rabbit ears instead while clutching onto more of your secret stash, in which case I think it's time for you to to call the local hospital... or the local Veterinary Clinic, however you prefer to treat your catgirl.



We'll end this little rant here for now. I don't care if you like catgirls, if you hate them, or if you secretly want to go screw one until your pelvis feels like it could shatter in two, having four ears is just ridiculous looking on them. It means either someone has no idea what the point of a catgirl really is, or they're putting these damned nerd traps all over the place for maximum profit. In either case, it has earned the honor of being the very first post on the Fiefdom of Hate, and for that, I despise these crafty little wenches and their ear-confusing ways, you attention-whoring, bed stealing bitches.